I fancy myself a writer, living in the woods, with my partner, J, our rescue-dog (Wendy) two parrots (a sweet one, Juliette, and a dick one, Butler, who bites), countless deer of various and sundry names, hawks, owls, and the occasional coyote (Felix, who likes to stop by just long enough to take a shit by my Mini).

These are the abridged excerpts from my diary. Some are sappy. Others sarcastic. And yes, there will be swearing. And gin. Lots of gin.